FIlm Review: THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES ★☆☆☆☆

I'm a not a Yong Adult novel reader, and to my dismay I have to admit I am decades beyond that target age group. Even though the genre sometimes has more than enough sci-fi, fantasy and horror elements to base plenty of material for a site like this, the formula for these works isn't really my thing. Sure I read the entire Harry Potter series (and who hasn't, young or old), the Hunger Games successfully plays older and well enough to various age groups, Percy Jackson is what it is, but my tolerance and attention span was less than scant for the YA forbidden romanticism that anchored The Twilight Saga's big screen adaptations.

Despite that this particular work is based heavily in a fantasy genre I typically enjoy, I could not have squirmed in my seat any more sitting through the flat line cookie cutter experience that was The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.

Based on the first book in the bestselling series by Cassandra Clare, the film follows Clary Fray (Lily Collins), who sees the ordinary New York City life she lives with her mother (Lena Headey) turned upside down when she becomes caught between opposing sides of an ancient world of magic, fought by gothic angels, dark demons and various evil creatures.

When Clare starts subconsciously drawing a mysterious symbol, witnesses a murder in a nightclub, and her mother (Lena Heady) disappears following an attack in her apartment, she subsequently falls under the watchful eye of hunky vampire hunter Jace Weyland (Jamie Campbell Bower) and his fellow fighters-for-good called Shadowhunters. Revealed to be a descendant of the ancient warrior bloodline, Clare holds the secret in her subconscious to the whereabouts of a mystical artifact that offers ultimate power.

In the rapidly expanding genre of young adult novels adapted for the big screen, most of the other series have a footing in making their own identity. The Mortal Instruments not only takes a broad stroke cookie cutter approach, but also throws in anything and everything it can to push it along its way.

Sure there is a big quest, demons to battle, and a grand final showdown with the big baddie Valentine (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), but the film makes no excuses, for all intents and purposes, in winging it every step of the way.  Somebody need a weapon that would be extremely convenient to use, sure its available. Need a new foe to fight in this scene? Without rhyme, reason or back story some new horrific monster appears that probably popped into the visual FX team's heads at some random moment. At the start of the film we are presented with the ancient order Shadowhunters, great an original concept, but quickly added into the mix are vampires, werewolves, witches, warlocks in addition to other various creatures that can cause trouble. The screenplay runs along as if script doctor was there at every beat on set to provide the quickest and easiest fixes for any situation.

When the reluctant romance element kicks into gear, why not have set a scene in a magic garden in the film's NYC base of operations called The Institute (whose architectural grandeur also happens to be invisible to the eyes of normal humans. Hello Hogwarts?). Clary swoons for Jace, but her geeky life-long friend Simon (Robert Sheehan) of course completes the love triangle and provides for some cringe worthy romantic dialogue and moments. The movie takes heavy leads from the Twilight Saga when it concerns the two leads and both the expected and (almost) unexpected forbidden love bumps. If you don't think this is your thing, it isn't. While the film has its fair share of roll your eyes moments, it doesn't quite attain the laugh out loud high bar set by The Host.

There are also no shortage of direct cues taken from The Lost Boys, Harry Potter, Stargate and honest to God, The Empire Strikes Back. Some of these elements may not be painfully obvious to the mass of the intended younger viewers, but I was pleasantly surprised how well a throwaway Ghostbusters reference went over at my screening. Homage is one thing, but when I say the Shadowhunters keep a Stargate in the Institute (as in the movie and SG-1 Stargate), yes they really gave them a Stargate to utilize in a major plot point.

Lily Collins does her best as a reluctant one-dimensional heroine rammed head first into this supernatural mess. You would think there would be more depth written for a female lead who has an insane amount of upheaval thrush upon her. Campbell Bower plays it cold and occasionally silly at inopportune times. The Edward Cullen mold of hero is not lost here, just adding tattoos and leather for good measure in place of sparkly skin.

Clocking in at over two hours the pace surprisingly keeps moving along, but it tries to cram so much into every scene, from monsters, big effects, fight sequences, goth costumes, party scenes and romantic interludes, all it provides is even less reason to stop for a moment to explain exactly why the hell any of it is logistically happening. It manages to hit many of the familiar necessary beats you would expect from a first chapter setting up an inevitable franchise, but at the same time barely lays down a proper base coat to build upon you care about.

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones is soulless forgettable film fodder fit to fill in the void left in the wake of The Twilight Saga. Sadly it is hardly interested in pushing boundaries or making its own memorable mythology in the genre. Every beat of the story seems like off the cuff convenience rather than adhering to any of the thin plot parameters it has put so little thought into establishing. It is unfortunately content with begging, borrowing and re-hashing numerous familiar paths taken by other like films rather than making a leap into memorable new territory.

The Mortal Instruments: City of  Bones opens in theaters on August 21st.

REVIEW RATING: ★☆☆☆☆
Director: Harald Zwart
Starring: Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Kevin Zegars, Robert Sheehan, Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Screenwriter: Jessica Postigo Paquette
Studio: Screen Gems
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 130 minutes

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Film Review - THE HOST ★☆☆☆☆

Yesterday I wrote my three star review for G.I. Joe: Retaliation, a movie I thoroughly enjoyed but completely understood I was among its intended target audience. For me it delivered for what it was and earned its positive review. However I know not everyone would enjoy it as much as I did, and I have seen some scathing reviews from both mainstream reviewers and fan boy sites alike. But I can understand how moviegoers who fall way outside the G.I. Joe demographic would sooner run for the hills if given the choice of sitting through that movie or not.

A day later I find myself on the other side of the fence, writing a review for the silly, if not absurd at times tween sci-fi soap opera The Host. While I am good to go for any sci-fi film, I do not consider myself in any way of the mindset to appreciate the storytelling demographic author Stephanie Meyer brought forth to the big screen with her Twilight series.

So here comes The Host, the adaptation of Meyer's 2008 best selling novel that revisits the forbidden love themes that were the driving forces throughout The Twilight Saga. And much like my utter disconnection to Twilight, the same can be said for me in regards to The Host.

In the film's prologue we learn that in the near future, Earth at long last has found peace. All the evils brought forth by mankind have been excised and life has never been better for our little blue marble in the universe. But we learn soon enough that aliens have effectively taken control of the planet for the greater good via an Invasion of the Body Snatchers inspired scheme.

Alien symbiotes who happen to call themselves Souls have managed to crawl their way into human bodies and inhabit every living human being on the planet. They have made it a priority to not only right all the wrongs in our daily lives, but to live in our buildings, drive our cars and just freeload off our civilization's hard work.

Melanie Stryder (Saoirse Ronan) is one of the few remaining humans who has so far evaded possession, and is on the run with her brother Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and beau Jared (Max Irons). Alas her time runs out and upon imminent capture, throws herself out of a window, choosing death over allowing alien acquisition of her body.

Melanie does not die from the fall, and when implanted with a Soul dubbed the Wanderer, she finds herself a prisoner in her own body. From this point on we are forced to endure an 'inner voice struggle' with Melanie nagging the Wanderer within her own head. For us this comes in the form of a constant irritating voice over as we effectively witness the film's main character argue with herself for nearly two hours.

The Wanderer is assigned to search through Melanie's memories so the other free humans can be tracked down for assimilation by a squad of alien bloodhounds led by the Seeker (Diane Kruger). Melanie somehow convinces the intrigued Wanderer to take her body to the super secret desert location where a human faction resides and reunite with her loved ones, including her Uncle Jeb (William Hurt), the grizzled leader of the rebel group.

What follows is really where all rhyme and reason are firmly tossed out the window. The Wanderer eventually wins over the desperate survivalists (because it's Melanie's body after all), is re-named Wanda by her new human buddies, and subsequently dabbles in a ridiculous forbidden love triangle with Melanie's grieving boyfriend Jared and his best friend Ian (who actually falls in love with the Wanderer/Wanda). Frankly I even had trouble distinguishing between Jared and Ian, as all the male characters are cast from the same chiseled CW model.

If there was any attempt made at making a movie out of a juvenile novel that wouldn't insult adults (the Harry Potter folks managed to pull it off throughout eight movies), maybe we would have have something worthwhile here to talk about. But the film is so chock full of the same sappy forbidden banter that poisoned the similarly themed Twilight Saga, and is plagued with a cast of characters who simply make so many inane decisions you find yourself perpetually shaking your head in disbelief over what's transpiring on screen.

When you get to the point when for no good reason whatsoever a human falls in love with what should be perceived as nothing less than a threatening alien invader in sheep's clothing, the film clearly enters the 'Why, God why?' zone. It's time to either throw up your hands or throw in the towel. But in Meyer's never edgy world of storytelling, there is a gaggle of interchangeable male cast members for the main audience, but worse only one clear cut villain in Kruger's Seeker. As it turns out in a cop out, the Souls truly aren't without yes, souls, and are not the one-dimensional malevolent invaders you should be rightfully rooting against, which renders nearly every aspect of conflict absolutely pointless.

The Host takes an intriguing sci-fi premise and executes it with unabashed tween fanfare that only an eleven year old could possibly find forgiveness for. Long stretches of sappy dialogue that rank up there with the greatest hits of Anakin and Padme force you to wonder how writer/director Andrew Niccol (Gattaca) kept himself and his cast straight faced throughout production.

Perhaps this is all acceptable fare to the Twi-Hard crowd that pushed Stephanie Meyer's big screen adaptations to the box office stratosphere. Truth be told I am guilty of enjoying my fair share of mindless action films and comedies that display a similar disrgard for the movie goer's intelligence. But if humans can find true love amongst vampires and werewolves  in one franchise, Meyer has successfully threatened  us with a new silly potential sci-fi series to play upon similar themes overcoming forbidden romance.  

The Host opens on March 29th.

REVIEW RATING: ★☆☆☆☆
Directed By: Andrew Niccol
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Diane Kruger, Jake Abel, Max Irons, William Hurt, Chandler Canterbury
Studio: Open Road
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 125 minutes

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